Friday, February 20, 2009

A Modest Proposal

I love this piece written and sent to me by a true American!

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950s, but the whole of this
latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I
know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future
generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two
ideological sides of America cannot, and will not ever agree on what is
right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, chalk it up
to irreconcilable differences, and go our own way.

Here is a model dissolution agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each
taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two
sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be
relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide
other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome
to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll
take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep
Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however,
responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them).
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical
companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved
homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot
Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEOs, and rednecks. We'll keep the bibles
and give you NBC and Hollywood . You can make nice with Iran and
Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that
threaten us.

You can have the peaceniks and war protestors. When our allies or way
of life are under assault, we'll provide them job security. We'll keep
our Judeo-Christia n values...You are welcome to Islam, Scientology,
Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. But we will
no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks, and
over-sized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can

You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing
doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a
right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National
Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to
Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World. We'll
practice trickle-down economics, and you can give trickle-up poverty its
best shot.

Since it often so offends you we'll keep our history, our name, and our
flag and our GOD and prayer. Would you agree to this? If so please
pass it along to other like minded patriots, and if you do not agree,
just hit delete and hang on. In the spirit of friendly parting.



P.S. Also, please take Barbra Streisand and Jane Fonda

As an added point to this proposal, I would also like to suggest that we split the nice beachfront property, as I am an ocean kind of gal.

1 comment:

silocybe said...

Sounds like you've been reading a little too much Ayn Rand... Atlas Shrugged. Sure, take all of the things that you have denoted... however, they are worthless when you don't have the middle class to keep those who are rich, rich. Without the peasant class, our capitalist structure is worthless. The rednecks will help, but not with your jobs that require a higher level of intelligence or education. What's a doctor with no patients? Unemployed. One more thing, by no means am I liberal, or a conservative, I'm just calling it how I see it.